I didn't see that one coming.

W O R T H. How much is it worth?  Is it worth it?  Will it be worth it?  How many would make it worth it?  What am I worth?  Why am I not worth it to him?  Why am I not worth it to her?  What defines my worth?  Who defines my worth?  Are my deeds worthy enough?  Is my beauty worthy to be pursued?  Is my job and finances hold value and worth?  Am I worthy?  Will I ever be worthy?

Questions and thoughts and insecurities involving the word W O R T H seem to infiltrate our lives.  Sometimes we even allow them to define us.  Or we make decisions around what we believe will induce our very worthiness.   Perhaps we give others in our lives permission to grant us our worth.  It's as though we believe our worth is earned by some measure.

As my Pastor began to teach from Luke 15 about the Parable of the Prodigal Son, I couldn't help but (humbly) suppress the thought, "I've heard this story a hundred times."  Can I just say that I should know better?  And by this I mean, it is a sure fit given anytime I am presumptuous and think I know something, that God is moments away from dropping the hammer.  On my head.  This was no exception.  And this time, the hammer not only dropped on my head.  But my heart.  And my shoulders.  And my calf.  

Did you know that Prodigal means wasteful?  I didn't.  Keep this in mind for a moment.  

In this parable, a group of religious people are criticizing Jesus because He, a just God, was a friend of/and hanging out with bad people, unjust people.  How or why would a perfect and holy God befriend, love, and care for not just the single mom's who had been slighted by their ex husbands, but drug lord's and pimps, people hurting little kids?  Sometimes we think Jesus simply befriends the lowly who have been beaten down (which He does), but he was also involving himself with the people who had beaten down themselves of their own making, on accord of their own decisions.  He was hanging out with the people who enjoy being bad, people who enjoy hurting others.

The religious people just set Jesus up to deliver a bank answer.  Get ready for a cha ching, dust your shoulders off moment.

Sheep Gone AWOL: Luke 15: 3 - 7

True or False: 99 is a greater sum than 1. 

True or False: It can be (easily) argued that any shepherd who leaves 99 sheep in search of 1 could very well be the worst shepherd ever.  (I mean really, who is watching the flock of 99?)  And to then party once that O N E sheep is found?

True or False: God would leave the greater sub value of 99 sheep in search of just 1.  

True or False: Being the 1 sounds better than being among the 99.

True or False: You just didn't see that coming.

Coin Gone MIA: Luke 15: 8 - 10

True or False: 9 coins are a greater sum than 1.

True or False: It can be (easily) argued that an individual has lost their mind if they risk losing 9 coins by trashing their entire house looking for just 1 coin.  And to then party once that O N E coin is found?

True or False: God would leave the greater sub value of 9 coins in search of just 1.

True or False: Being the 1 sounds better than being among the 9.

True or False: You just didn't see that coming.

Hasta La Vista Sonny Boy: Luke 15: 11 - 32

True or False: Saving money, working hard, and obedience are greater than wasteful spending on prostitution and wild living, and disobedience.

True or False: It can be (easily) argued that a father who throws a celebratory party for his son that has  pissed away all of his money and has been living with prostitutes must be slightly disillusioned.  (And to not deliver a wooden spoon to the rear or acknowledge the son's apology of unworthiness).

True or False: God would choose to celebrate the Prodigal (wasteful) son.

True or False: Being the Prodigal son sounds better than not.

True or False: You just didn't see that coming.

Three completely different things, and yet three completely parallel reactions.

Search.  Find.  Recover.  Celebrate.

When it comes to people, God just never hedges His bets and plays it safe.  

He conveys over and over and over and over again, "You are of infinite value and W O R T H to Me."  His fight is a fight to win the furthest heart.  There is nothing we can do to gain or earn or be enough for His affections, for His grace.  Our worth was given to us before we were born.  It is a gift.  And the moment we attempt to pay anyone back, it is no longer a gift.

All that's left to say is this.

God is i l l o g i c a l.

His love is i l l o g i c a l.

Medical Condition Identified.

It's true.  My heart is siiiiiiiiiick.  And not the "siiiiiiiiiiiiick" that implies something is tight, or seriously awesome.  I truly have a medical condition, even if it is self - diagnosed.  I mean, I pretty much just saved hundreds of dollars on counseling sessions and medical testing by diagnosing myself.

Medical Condition: Alaskless
Self Diagnosed by: Self Proclaimed Doctor, C. Taylor
Note(s): No pre - existing condition(s) prior to June 1, 2012.  Condition currently began rupturing and slowing heart near the date of August 13, 2012.

Symptoms:
1. Patient lacks dietary concern and relies solely on sunflower seeds to sustain nutritional balance.  Patient's freezer also solely contains fish of the red, silver, and white descent.
Root: Doctor believes this is due to the feeling of nostalgia it brings since this was the snack of choice while fishing with some of her favorite people.

2. Patient stops to read all community bulletin boards in search of such information, yet has thus far not been found in Seattle, WA: Buying a ferret, camping cliffside to the Cook Inlet, dog mushing opportunities and/or being a Mush Girl, Salmon Fest line - up, etc.
Root: Doctor believes this is due to the patient's summer routine of collecting community information while eating ice cream outside the General Store in Ninilchik, AK.

3. Patient is currently procrastinating on her to do list (something she used to enjoy, especially when she was able to cross things off), and is instead, researching all fishing charter opportunities in Seattle, WA. Patient is also walking around Seattle looking for her missing sisters.
Root: Doctor believes that the patient has been separated from the Kenai River for too many days and is experiencing a memory loss in terms of how to live her days apart from what the tides determine.

4. Patient has collected somewhat irrelevant facts, such as it would take her 50 hours, 2,052 miles to drive to Ninilchik, AK, from Seattle, WA.  The patient is currently looking into obtaining her pilot's license.
Root: Doctor believes patient is starting to lose her sense of reality and fears a impulse decision on the horizon.

5. Patient is no longer attracted to pretty jewelry.  Patient is also posting "Missing Puppy" signs for her "claimed," two lost dogs.
Root: Doctor believes this is due to seeing so much jewelry made out of moose poop in Alaska.

6. Patient no longer desires to hike.
Root: Doctor believes this is due to solely wanting to be naker's on the glacier's or riding Orca's with her comrades.

7. Patient has neglected to change her clocks back to Pacific Standard Time and continues to "Eat when hungry, sleep when tired, and fish when the fish are running."
Root: Doctor believes that the patient is in denial about being in the lower 48.

8. Patient has consumed more sandwiches for breakfast, than actual breakfast food.  Though, the patient is grocery shopping as though she were feeding a house of twenty.
Root: Doctor believes that the patient is holding on to this Alaskan fishing tendency, when the patient would go fishing at 4:30A.M. and/or when the patient would grocery shop for the lodge guests.

9. Patient has bumped into 7 curbs and 4 sidewalks since being home.
Root: Doctor believes this is due to the patient's open road driving experiences and infrequent need of looking at the road in Alaska.  Doctor worries about the danger of any and all pedestrians in Seattle, WA.

10. Patient has used the following phrase far too often and in situations where it is completely irrelevant: "Proper prep prevents piss poor performance."
Root: Doctor believes that this term was used in Alaska when preparing for a fishing trip.  Doctor also believes that this phrase carries significant meaning for the patient, following an event that took place between the "improper" prep that occurred between the patient and her comrade Joy.  Think Fly rod with a regular reel.

11. Patient finds the tap and shower water to be far too smooth and clean.
Root: Doctor believes that the patient has consumed too much iron from the water in Alaska.

12. Patient finds herself to be of the tourist association here in Seattle, WA.  Patient also finds it strange to see brown bears in the zoo.
Root: Doctor believes that the patient sees herself no longer as a tourist in Ninilchik, AK, thus feels as though she is a tourist everywhere else.  Doctor also believes that the patient is not accustomed to seeing animals that are not roaming wild and free.

13. Patient walks into automatic sliding glass doors.
Root: Doctor believes that the patient has lost familiarity with clear and closed doors.

14. Patient has walked down the stairs and outside on more than a few occasions, as if walking across the river to the cabin.
Root: Doctor believes that the patient has established new habits from the summer that have yet to be adjusted.

15. Patient only responds to music that is symbolic of her time on the country roads of Alaska.  Patient also only dances if it's in the bed of a truck, in the kitchen, or on the deck.
Root: Doctor is still unable to identify the root of this symptom as the patient's response each and every time varies.  There are tears, there is laughter, there is dancing, there is video making, and then a fury of texts messages follow between the patient and all those that were with her in Alaska.

16. Patient has varying levels of guilt as she still cannot hold a conversation without telling a story from Alaska.  She has also inadvertently called people by their incorrect names (I.e. Tonka, Joy, Json, Taylor, Captain, Jake, Isaac, Holly, Ian, etc.).  Patient has also tapped on 8 shoulders of strangers that have been mistaken for lodge guests (i.e. Rick, Sue, Carla, Josh, Janet, Ruben, etc.).
Root: Doctor believes that the patient has been brain washed due to the piece of art hanging in the Alaskan Lodge that says, "What happens at Fish Camp gets told over and over again." Doctor hopes that all of the patient's family and friends will forgive her in the meantime.  The patient really does care about what's going on in the lives of her family and friends.

17. Patient is constantly searching and/or looking for what she describes as the "Cookies - N - Cream" mountain range, the peak and/or volcano that she would like to throw a touchdown pass over, the clouds that she would like to play kickball on, and/or all of the falling gold coins (stars) that she could catch in her purse.
Root: Doctor believes that the patient has seen and experienced the reality of these statements via the majestic beauty of where she lived this summer.

18. Patient has devised a Christmas list with the following (thus far): Salmon Smoker, Fly Rod, Custom Made Filet Knives, Waders.
Root: Doctor believes that the patient has found her new favorite hobby and is also consciously preparing for next summer, when she plans to return to Alaska.

19. Patient has become fearless at the sight of a man with an ax in his hand, even in the darkest time of night.  This vision in her mind has also led her to look for firewood outside, only to remember she has a gas fireplace.
Root: Doctor believes this is due to the patient's experience crawling across the Ninilchik River Bridge in the middle of the night with her comrade, posed as bears, in order to play a practical joke on two guys who almost attacked them.  The two guys were smoking salmon and were heels up around the fire.  Doctor has concluded that the patient enjoyed the time, smell, and blaze around a real fire with wood, thus her eye is acute to looking for sticks, dry shrubs, and logs.

20. Patient is writing strange blog posts in first person and third person and as patient and as doctor.
Root: Doctor believes that the patient is having a hard time transitioning.  Doctor encouraged patient to begin to outline thoughts as they arose and slowly but surely, the patient would begin to find a normal stride in life back in Seattle.  Doctor will encourage patient to write an adequate summary and/or "last chapter" of life in Alaska as soon as she regains/redirects some of her strength.  Patient will also be instructed to build an appropriate photo album of her summer for therapeutic reasons.

Now to determine the appropriate cure - as the patient is a bit racked up.

'But Whackers

We are encroaching upon the end of the summer and with each passing day, keeping the goodbyes at bay is like controlling the weather patterns here in Alaska.  So I'm going to allow procrastination to seize the best of me for the next wee bit and first share about my newest friend.  Plus, this week, we don't have any campers and I shall have plenty of time to mope about this past weekend's goodbyes, thus giving you an emotionally captivating blog post later this week.

Meet Sundy.  She lives in Homer.  She's a lively little thang and lives a rather fruitful life out on the sea.  We first met on Friday morning around 5:30 A.M.  Still as the glass water below her bow, she waited patiently for our rubber boots to meet her deck, and then quietly stole us away into the sunrise.

From Homer to Seldovia, Sundy cruised atop the white capped waves with one mission: Carry our crew to the abundant Halibut hole.  Excitement grew with each passing kilometer, and as we soared past volcanoes and peaks, the sun continued to climb higher and higher into the sky.  Like any of you who remember meeting your childhood bosom friend and going to their house for the very first time, I was about to visit the very neighborhood and home of my favorite food.  Which, essentially, could be equated with the same amount of glee.  Right? :)

Loaded with cod heads, rods were locked into eager hands, ready to release the line and plunge into the depths of the Cook Inlet.  Slamming 'buts was imminent as the fish circus began!

We caught Skates - a many of them.  Grandma included.  The first time I caught a Skate, I was actually quite excited because I had never seen one before, and they are just fascinating in their looks (as you can see).  However, by the third Skate, I was absolutely over them.  They were no longer fascinating to me, just annoying sons of guns.  The amount of time and strength it took (okay, probably because I am a girl) to reel anything up 150 feet to surface quickly becomes exhausting.  And these Skates were just becoming an absolute waste of strength.  I've never wanted to be a "switch - fisher" so bad in order to give my right arm a break.  It was like taking a six hour Body Pump class and only focusing on one half of a muscle group, the entire time.

But as the 'buts started biting, weights and lines were breaking the crest of the water and just below the surface, with only a few seconds of arm cranking left, pearl glowing halibut bellies filled the waters outside of the boat.  "Fish On!" "Fish On!" was being yelled across the deck as the deckhands darted back and forth collecting our prizes.  But no prize was officially tossed into the cooler without the question of, "Keep or toss?"  I'm sorry, what?  Absolutely going to keep this baby, thank you.  What a silly question, I thought.  Well too soon did I realize that it was the most significant question of the day.  Keeping it meant that you were halfway to your limit (as the current limit is 2 'buts per person).  Tossing it meant that you were confident of your ability to sling not only more, but you were risking this one for an even bigger one.  Now, as a newbie, there is something very special about catching your very first halibut - kind - of like that first love note from your crush in third grade, and then there was something very discouraging about the idea of tossing it back - despite its weight in pounds.  Nevertheless, it was time to go big or go home.  I was going to wait for the best.  (Insert another parallel of sacrificing the crush in third grade and waiting for prince charming here).  I said goodbye and tossed the fella back into the sea.  One tear was shed.  But my heart soon began to heal and grow with anticipation as I awaited and was hopeful to meet his big brother.  After releasing four more of his twin brothers back into the sea, I finally met his big brother.  Worth the wait (despite the newest addiction I found myself with in wanting to all of a sudden throw them all back and fish harder and longer and more strategic for the size that I just knew was out there).

'Buts were hitting the deck left and right.  Have I mentioned how much I love the word play on Halibut yet?  "For the Hal - i - But," "Halibut you just stay awhile?"  Though, we seem to find a way to do that with any and all animal names up here, "I caribou you," "I'm eagle to see you soon," etc.  Okay, back on track, Chelsey, back on track.

Anyway, when all was said and done, everyone had proudly caught their limit and we were headed home with 32 'buts in the cooler.  As I said, success was imminent, and so was a processing party.  (The last thing you really want to do post chartering all day).  I wish I could say that this picture was staged, however it was not and serves as the perfect visual for how we truly felt.  Unlike Joy and I, others actually made it to their rooms.

Unexpected realization of the day (and/or maybe my life): I found my new favorite hobby and believe that this song was written about me, cause baby, I loooooooove to fiiiiiiiish!

Musings from the 49th

I've been trying to blog for two seven ten days now.  And for those of you that have been the recipients of emails, calls, cards, letters, and/or voicemails, you know that there has never been a shortage of verbal exchange with me.  Now, I'm not saying that this slight and current dilemma is rooted in having nothing to say (I know some of you are thinking 'Duh'), it's quite precisely the opposite in fact (insert another 'Duh').  I need someone to answer this question: How do you blog when too many days - full of new people, new adventures, new lessons, new stories, (no new marriage proposals yet), skip to my lou on by faster than the speed of running your beer battered badonka donk away from a Grizzly bear?  Though, a stipulation to answering this question for me - do not ask me to simply "pick and choose" a few things to share.  It would be a waste of your time because I won't do it.  It's all worth it to me.  And though it's usually once per blog post that I apologize for the great length of black font filling your browser, let's be honest, I still do it.  I know I'm forgiven though - because I don't have 490 blog posts yet (which is 70 x 7 - the number of times the Bible says that you have to forgive me).

Thus, let's begin on the newest musings.

There are only three rules at camp: #1. When we are hungry, we eat.  #2. When we are sleepy, we sleep.  #3. When the fish are running, forget rules #1 and #2.

Breaking down on the side of the road is the best way to make new friends in Alaska.  Though, this does not make our Wrangler's feel very secure re. our driving competency.

There was something more exciting about obtaining my Alaska Hunting and Fishing License than my driver's license.  It could be that 16 years old was a Mississippi River away and I don't remember, but I just don't think that is the case.  Then again, maybe it was the fact that I was with a Captain of the U.S. Coast Guard who grew up fishing and success at sea was soon to be verified.

Dilated pupils and baggy eyelids are considered accessories - or at least I have considered them accessories in an effort to justify this new look.

Camp is unintentional and yet somehow intentional community - all at the same time.    Unintentional because no one ever says, "Hey, let's go up to camp and be intentional about living in community with one another for a week. "  (Especially at an Alaskan Fishing Camp).  Intentional because when you get to camp, the reality is that this is exactly what happens.

While at the beach: Hover, look for the hole, shovel three scoops, oceanside, and you will find a beloved, sand dwelling, neck digging, un - crushed clam.  Repeat.  Repeat times twenty.  Or more.  Return home.  Cook.

It's indeed true.  Bears can be your greatest competition when fishing.  If they see a fish on your line from the shore, they will not hesitate to plunge into the water and entangle themselves in your fishing line to order to obtain your freshly caught Nemo.

Learning how to tie a fishing line, hook, and sinker may not be the most applicable skill to have in America, however, it is one of the most fulfilling and rewarding to have in your repertoire.

You know you vacuum seal a lot when you start having dreams that you are a professional vacuum sealer.

Should I ever find myself lost in the wilderness for days on end, I am now capable of catching and gutting my own fish.

Toys are overrated.  Human size slingshots are not.  Ps. Dear God, I hope you bless me with boys one day.

Alaskan Entertainment: Finding abandoned and discarded survival suits in the dumpster and swimming down the river in them.

Midnight fun in the sun consists of massacring porcupines.  Similar to a "rabbit's foot," doing the same with porcupine feet is not out of the question either.

A true Southerner taught me the way to hearts by means of Gumbo.  Furthermore, being that he is a football coach and lives in Texas, I felt like I was in my own little episode of Friday Night Lights with Coach Taylor.

Bears do show up in your driveway.

"First time shooter's" has nothing to do with a pistol, shotgun, or semi - automatic.  It has everything to do with oysters.  And though this was not my first time, I did decide that I could be a first time shooter here in Alaska.  Plus, there's a unique satisfaction that comes from shucking oysters.

"Modest is hoooooottest." (Voice tone should reflect that of an attitude).  An excuse for all the layering you have to do here in Alaska.  With the exception of hiking a glacier.  Please note: This behavior is only for mature adults and at the digression of the individuals involved - not the company or organization they are associated thereof.

If you drop a Wrangler's handmade filet knife in the rushing river, not only will he find it, but he will forgive you.  He's just that cool.

The game Settler's and the significance of Wood, Brick, Ore, and Wheat take on new meaning when played in Alaska.  In addition, playing against the President of Eternity Bible College, well, let's just say that things just reach a whole new level.

A Halibut eyeball is equivalent to a pirate patch.

This is how you cook corn on the cob.

Hammock wars are equivalent to playing a competitive pick - up game of basketball.

Try playing chubby bunny with Jumbo Mallows.  Or sand.

Kissy face pictures are really popular here.

I feel equipped to be the newest cast member of Deadliest Catch.

We met Norman Lowell.  If you don't know who he is, you should learn immediately.  I would also like to own his original log cabin.

Watching people create legacies trumps any and all primetime and HBO segments.

Fireside makes for the best concert venue.  Log stumps, S'More roasters, sticks, and rocks make for the best instruments.

A real Polar Plunge: Jumping into the Ninilchik River in Alaska at midnight.

It's soothing to the heart (on a bad fishing day) to distinguish how many fish you actually hooked on your line - despite whether they made it into the cooler or not.

You know you are starting to act like a local when you are combat fishing and the tourist (or non - local) takes position next to you in the river and illuminates your lack of patience and anger management because you are spending more time un - tangling their line from yours than actually casting.

Ceviche' made by a Mexican man in Alaska: Skill and fresh food access makes for a dynamite combination.  It's also important to note that he bodes as the best dressed in Alaska, and unfortunately, this is just something you would have needed to be here in order to understand.

The best car trips are the ones with drooling passengers, sunflower seeds on the floor, and empty Dairy Queen cups.  Okay, and loud singable music, but that just seemed so cliche' so I thought I would save it for the end.

It's possible to obtain more family members in a matter of hours.

Had I known what a seaplane fly-in fishing trip to Wolverine Creek was, it would have been the number one item on my Highway to Heaven list.  I'm going to add it, just so that I can cross it off.

This is real, this happens, and I've been blessed to have this as my dinner entertainment on multiple occasions: It's called the Courtship Flight.  Each year a bald eagle renews their life - long commitment in a courtship flight.  It's a crescendo of airborne acrobatics - locking talons and free falling from the sky.  For hundreds of feet.  Right before they reach the surface of the water, they open their wings and break free.

We often think that we know what or how we want something to look, or even be like.  But then along comes God with a different agenda - one that bodes of something greater, an exchange of, "I'm not going to give you what you want, but I'm going to give you something even better - something you didn't know to even ask for.  Something you didn't even know that you wanted."


This will never make sense to me as long as I am in Alaska: 

"This land and this place called heaven far exceeds the glories of this earth."