Positively smitten.

Begin to fall in love with this, now.


"Now That I've Found You" - Nikki Reed & Paul McDonald from Glass Jar Photography on Vimeo.

Okay, clearly I'm in a love-a-dove mood because this one is so good it hurts too (despite how many times I've watched it).

You. are. all. I. see.

It's what's recommended.

I love stumbling across thoughtful reads or interesting videos and for the longest time, have copy and pasted my favorite links into a blank email and stored them in my drafts folder.  But being that Mr. Blogger exists (and can be used for organizational purposes), in addition to the fact that there are probably others that will most likely enjoy some of the same things - or who knows, maybe the trail of watching one video will lead you to something even better, I am going to store some of those fav's here on the blog.  It will also give you a break from reading all of my choppy sentences from time to time. ;)

So for today, I recommend this article from my favorite magazine, Relevant.  I've been so distracted with the mountain moving in my life that I haven't really spent any time writing about the gushy (but favorite) topics of love and relationships.  I'm sure that will come in due time, but until then, I'll start with this.

And because community has been such a theme of my life lately, I have really enjoyed watching the quick (about a minute and a half) clips on Fellowship, presented by Francis Chan.


BASIC.Fellowship Clip 01 from Flannel Staff on Vimeo.


BASIC.Fellowship Clip 02 from Flannel Staff on Vimeo.


BASIC.Fellowship Clip 03 from Flannel Staff on Vimeo.


BASIC.Fellowship Clip 04 from Flannel Staff on Vimeo.

Last one for tonight.  Whether or not you are part of Young Life, Francis Chan delivers another humble and thought provoking message.  Enjoy.  :)


Francis Chan at the 2012 YL Celebration from Young Life on Vimeo.

Too good to be true.

Do you ever have those days where you are just thinking, "This is too good to be true."  That's been this past week or so for me.  And almost immediately following that thought, I think, "Something bad has got to happen.  It just can't be.  This isn't real."  Until today.  When I read the second half of my devotional.

And just in case anyone else needed the same reminder, there you have it. :)

On the docket.

Milo Greene, 1957

...Wouldn't it be much better if I knew, nothing about you?...

The Lumineers, Ho Hey

...I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart...

The Civil Wars, Poison & Wine

...I don't love you, but I always will...

...I don't have a choice, but I still choose you...

Birdy, 1901

The Civil Wars & Taylor Swift, Safe and Sound

...Come morning light, you and I will be safe and sound...

St. Vincent with Andrew Bird, Black Rainbow

The Lighthouse and the Whaler, Pioneer

Florence and the Machine, Never Let Me Go

...And it's over.  And I'm going under.  But I'm not giving up...

I prefer the bottom, thanks.

Is it just me or does anyone else ever feel like there are times in your life when you turn right, left, around, and then around again times ten, only to continue seeing the same themes surface?  It’s as obvious as seeing a blue apple everywhere you go and in everything you cast your eyes on. 

I was given the immense privilege of seeing the performance of “The Screwtape Letters” by C.S Lewis at the Paramount last night.  To say it was legitimately life changing would sound dramatic, so I just won't say it.  And I suppose I really won't know if it's indeed "life changing" until later down the road when I've actually had the time to take what was heard and learned and use it to make decisions different from those I would have made prior to the show. 

On paper and considering all things, my current position of life is definitely that of being in a trough.  Or as one of my previous blog posts allured to, at the bottom of the mountain.  And though there are a million and one things I want to say about last night's performance, I shall spare you and speak to just this one, for now. ;)  (But don't be fooled, I am reading the book for a second time and don't know if I will be able to resist sharing more down the road).

For those of you who haven't read the book, head to the bookstore now.  The two main characters in the story, Screwtape (the Uncle and assistant to "Our Father Below") and his nephew Wormwood (a novice demon) portray human life from the vantage point of the enemy, as they set out to secure the damnation of a young man's soul (you and I). 

About midway through the story, Screwtape sends a letter to Wormwood discussing how he must use the ups and downs of his patient's (the young man) life to yield his soul further and further from the Enemy (God). 

"To decide what the best use of it is, you must ask what use the Enemy wants to make of it, and then do the opposite.  Now it may surprise you to learn that in His efforts to get permanent possession of a soul, He relies on the troughs even more than on the peaks; some of His special favourites have gone through longer and deeper troughs than anyone else."

It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He (God) wants it to be.  Hence, the praying offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best.

He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there, He is pleased even with their stumbles.  Do not be deceived, Wormwood.  Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round the universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."

Wow.  I don't even think commentary is needed. 

Though I believe that my current life situation is seemingly more reflective of that in a trough than that on a peak, it's looking like I may have the better end of the deal anyway. 

This was further evidenced in church today when my Pastor ever so coincidentally spoke on Psalm 62 and the ever changing blend of abundance and suffering in our lives.  There are storms, but never storms without shelter.  Now, there may be a gap between when I think the storm should end and when it actually does, but it's precisely that gap (waiting) that brings the greatest intimacy with Christ. 

As I learn to discern and pluck out the voices of the Screwtapes and Wormwoods, I am thankful that God has currently seen me fit for a trough (or storm), as I am coming to find, understand, and some days simply choose this intimacy, as the greatest gift of all. 

So as I stood on the bluffs this afternoon, and though overlooking an breathtaking view of the Puget Sound, every ounce of me was anxiously ready to start descending down the trail to the beach.  For it was down there that I was able to pick up the shells, hunt for crabs, push on the clam holes and watch them spout up another ten feet away, and find shelter in the actual drift wood (I find God humorous).  And though I didn't know how long it would take us to ascend back up to the top of the bluff (or if my body was going to hate me at the end), I wouldn't have traded a single moment at the bottom.

"The best way to drive out the devil, if he will not yield to texts of Scripture, is to jeer and flout him, for he cannot bear scorn." ~ Martin Luther

"The devil, the prowde spirit, cannot endure to be mocked." ~ Sir Thomas More

Can't Live Without You.

I think one of my most favorite cliches of all times is, "Can't live with you, can't live without you."  It's not just my favorite because it tends to be the most painstakingly true in the most significant of relationships, but because it ends with, "Can't live without you."


Never Would've Asked from Antioch Church on Vimeo.

Mountain Moving.

The scope, magnitude, and majesty of mountains have always made the hairs on my arms stand up.  And I guarantee that even if my arms were completely waxed, the presence of moutains would still have a way of sprouting new hairs and making them stand up too.  The same is true of oceans.  I think it has something to do with being near and sitting before something so much larger than me.  I am but a mere ounce of plankton to the sea and a small piece of rock to the mountain (or maybe even just a pine needle if we are talking about the mountains in the Pacific Northwest).  Yet, despite how insignificant or small I feel to both of these things, they seem to be the place I run to when everything around me seems to get too big.  Maybe it's just my way of saying to the things around me getting seemingly larger, "There are still things physically larger than you."

I remember when I first moved to California, finding myself at the beach at 4AM, through tears, asking myself over and over again, "What am I doing?"  At that time, I had never felt so lost, had left my family, and everything that I had considered and deemed as stability in my life.  A wrestling match with God began and I was insistently not going to relent.  I demanded that God speak to me.  Demanded that he make just one dolphin jump in the crest of the waves.  After about two hours, a question surfaced in the forefront of my mind, "Would you still trust me even if I didn't say anything else to you, nor make a dolphin jump in the crest of the waves?"

It was one of those times where you can't figure out if that was your voice thinking of that question or if your conscience was just kicking in, or if you were starting to go delirious from the energy and exhaustion being consumed by your tears, or, or, or, or if that was really the Holy Spirit speaking to you.  Well, yes it's highly likely that I was delirious, but I can most confidently say that I would never ask myself that question especially in such a emotionally infused mindset.  And so the question just continued to repeat itself in my head.  It took every ounce and fabrication of my being to blurt out, "Yes!" 

It was another hour before I regained composure and as I confidently stood with a peaceful heart, I noticed about 7 dolphins riding the crests of the waves.  "You have got to be freaking kidding me!"  (I'm pretty sure that my voice was equivalent to that of a rooster wake - up call on a farm, but instead to all of Redondo Beach).  And I heard that same voice whisper, "Abundance."  So you can pretty much guess that despite thinking I was all out of tears at that point, the evaporation of the ocean had somehow found its way into my eyes, allowing me to create rivers all over again. 

I remember thinking, "My God knows me.  He sees me." 

Fast forward to this past November, when some life news sent me and a best friend (who had already been in town visiting - even more evidence that God was so ahead of me in planning) fleeing to the mountains.  I remember standing there in the midst of so much confusion thinking, "My God can move these suckers if He wants to!  And not just these suckers, but everything in my life that is trying to masquerade itself as an immovable mountain." 

This week, I've been reminded on more than one occasion (in addition to trying to remind myself), that though I stand before, and at the bottom of an entire range of mountains right now, my smallness keeps Him big.  My need for Him keeps Him as the Provider.

And I was perusing through the photos from that weekend at the bottom of the mountains, despite feeling as though we were being smashed and broken under the mountains, joy was still in abundance.  So it's just got to be possible, that the same can be true today, of this week, and every other week throughout the rest of my life when the very mountains that I flee to are the same mountains that crowd my life. 

Dotting the landscape.

I was sitting in a small Italian owned coffee shop in downtown Seattle with my dad this morning, just chit chatting about the trajectory of life and the punch these past few weeks have packed for me.  In conversation, I was reminded of a story that was shared during the Justice Conference about a church in need of $250,000 by Monday.  It was Friday.  With a ten year tithing trend of $50,000 - $60,000 each Sunday, it was obvious that enough greens would not be coming in.  Regardless, the Pastor made the executive decision to refrain from sharing this with his congregation, and instead, with the elders, simply continued to pray for God’s provision.  Worst case scenario, they would take out a loan on Monday morning.  It wasn’t too long into Monday morning that an elder approached the Pastor’s office with the news that the tithes from Sunday had been counted and there was $251,000.  No joking, joshing, or kidding.  $251,000.  More than what they needed. 

And I sat there.  And sat there.  And the only word that I could find in my mind was abundance.  

“Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us.”  ~ Ephesians 3:20

And even despite hearing this story, (among countless other stories of God’s never failing provision), and knowing and seeing His Word, why is it that my knees buckle, frogs begin to bounce around in my stomach, and my feet begin to sink every single flippin’ time I am confronted with a new need that appears to have zero hope for being met?  Anytime, anywhere, it’s as though I am a robot just responding as if I were performing regular maintenance.  And it’s not even just when there’s a need, but it’s also each time I find myself longing or dreaming of something that I would like my life characterized by.  Defeat shows up before I even have the opportunity to lace my kicks.  And typically, defeat wins before the fight even starts.

I got to thinking even more about this topic as I watched and re – watched (and re – watched again) the new video and call to action by Invisible Children.  If you haven’t seen it, I demand that you stop all life traffic and blog reading immediately and give yourself a priceless 29 minute gift.  This team at Invisible Children has been persistently working for ten years to spotlight the injustices happening in Uganda by choosing to quiet their own voices in order to be the voice of all the men, women, and children being captured, raped, and killed by Joseph Kony.  Ten years.  I cannot even begin to imagine the waiting, the hoping, the feelings of defeat, and the endurance required during that stretch of time.  And it’s not even over yet.  But.  But.  That’s just it.  They have persevered.  They are persevering.  Too often we do nothing.  Too often we are paralyzed.  Too often we don’t even lace our kicks.  Too often we put God in the shoebox of our kicks as though He were a tiny and incapable piece of air, containing no oxygen, let along being something that we can even see, thus giving Him the smallest area in our closet to simply rest and be.  And do we do that because we don’t believe we can do certain things in our life, or because He can’t do certain things in our life? 

I have no idea if the team at Invisible Children are Christ follower’s or not, but it is evident that their lives are marked by boldness.  Everything other than defeat.  And for however many times they were told, or even believed that they were crazy, courage always took the trophy.  And I use the word “end” literally because I believe that they will succeed.  I believe that they will continue to challenge the status quo and contribute to the creation of a fearless generation.  When people think of Invisible Children, I believe that they will be remembered as an organization that set out to make what was seemingly impossible, possible.  And that should be a significant reminder to all of us challenged by the small and large, but unmet needs in our life.  A reminder to all of us defeated by defeat itself.  To push back.  Everything is beyond a God that sits in a shoebox, but nothing is beyond a God who reigns from the sky.

As I started my second read through of David Platt’s book, “Radical,” I came across a portion of the book titled, Exalting Our Inability.  It read, “God actually delights in exalting our inability.  He intentionally puts people in situations where they come face to face with their need for Him.  In the process he powerfully demonstrates his ability to provide everything his people need in ways they could never have mustered up or imagined.  And in the end, he makes much of his own name.” 

Tangibly speaking, I have had a need for a laptop (recycled and thirty years old would have been good enough, and not just so that I can continue blogging), but because there is a potential opportunity on the horizon in which I truly believe the Lord is asking me to step out in faith and do, that would be greatly hindered by being without one.  But let’s be honest, unemployment doesn’t offer much grace in terms of spending money. ;)  Nevertheless, I decided to put these words to action and instead of allowing the frogs to play in my tum tum, I told them to go to he…aven and that God would take care of them there.  It was but yesterday, having not even shared the (in my eyes), urgency of this need with my Dad, that he texted me, “I won enough points at work to redeem a new Mac.  Want one?”  Enough points?  Huh?  Your work just does contests for free laptops?  Redeem?  As in free?  What are you talking about?  Never could have, would have, or tried to see that one coming.  And so I invited him to coffee this morning to share with him the significance and powerful implications of his contest winning and my personal “$251,000” story.

I believe that there have been times in all of our lives where God has lived outside the box, times where He has shown Himself faithful over and over again.  But it begs the question, do we remember?  Have we dotted our landscape in such a way that when our knees start to buckle and frogs enter our tummies and our feet start to sink, we know of His provision, the impossibilities that were made possible, and the mountains that were indeed moved?  Do we remember? 

Whether it be deciding on a new career path, going back to school, tackling an injustice in the world, leaving an old life or an old habit behind for a new one, trusting Him for a spouse, a child, restoration in a relationship, a roommate, finances, or for the boldness to do something radical, to give more, serve more, love more, to know what to do, how to do it, or when to do it, all of it.  My hope is that God doesn’t get too small, nor that we find Him resting in our shoebox.  That the things we know of who He is and what He has already done, carry enough weight to make us more courageous, inviting us forward to see even bigger things than the provision of a laptop and $251,000.  So folks, let’s start dotting the landscape!

1 Corinthians 2:9, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him.”

Grapes VS Marbles

I just returned from what has essentially turned into a monthly (and sometimes bi - monthly) trip to California, visiting my other family, and similar to my time at the Justice Conference the week prior, I left both with a full and yet heavy heart.  Dichotomy much?  Please do not be mistaken, I am not writing this post from a context of a thriving and perfectly joyful soul that just returned from 88 degree weather in sunny SoCal. I am choosing to write this in the midst of so much confusion, pain, and uncertainty. A girl humbled by a God who loves her enough to send her a reminder of the gifts He has already given me.

Let me back up before I set forth and say that there isn't ever a trip that isn't heavily focused on basking in the presence and being with some of my favorite people.  I will take a moment to brag and say that God has somehow seen my life fit enough to include some of the best humans on this spinning globe, through the presence of my family and friends.  Each of us are just your corky and abstract, typical two legged, two armed, and one heart beating being (mouthful), but when we are in community together, well, that's when things get good.  There's snorting and bur - cupping (a burp/hiccup combo).  Turtles turn to cows and nightfall's are never noticed because the sun is back up and risen by the time we're done talking.  It's loud.  Really loud.  When there's an abundance of ladies, the gentleman graciously accept their new names (the Brandon's becomes Barbara's, Brian's becomes Brianna's, Adam's become Adrianna's, Shane's become Shania's, etc.).  And when there's an abundance of gentleman, the ladies not so graciously accept any male names.  We wrestle, have eaten balut together, and snuck out of hospitals together.  We've fought.  Hard.  Harder.  We've cried.  Until dry.  Dryer.  We've cliff jumped and sunk below the waves all in one leap.  Drooling on each other during flights and sharing deodorant and toothbrushes are not uncommon.  We've climbed to the tops of building's together and we've fallen off the very same ladders that took us there.  We've camped together in both lush forests and barren deserts.  We've endured war together - moth wars and life wars.  We're the ones that drive down wide open roads with the heat of the sun touching our skin and just the same, we're the ones that are pulled over on the side of the road with only the heat of anger touching our skin. 

And as there seems to be an ever increasing amount of "life just sucks" moments, cancer striking families, relationships crumbling, jobs being lost, and life feeling random and wrong amidst my family and friends, I am even more so reminded of not only the need of, but the provision, calling, and commitment to and for community.  I believe community and relationship that looks radically different to the world and points up, will find itself threatened over and over and over and over and over again.  That's when it's time to up your game and stick Satan under your foot and crush the @#$% out of him.  If it didn't look radical and didn't speak of God's glory and redemption, then there would be no reason for Satan and his damn ploys to get involved.  (Sorry, my profanity only surfaces when speaking of him, okay, and if I drop a really hot pan on my barefoot, okay, and maybe a few other things that light my wick). ;)

In listening to a podcast from Reality LA church and describing authentic community, the Pastor compared a bag of marbles to a cluster of grapes.  The bag of marbles being a group of individuals coming together and the cluster of grapes still being a group of individuals, but organically linked.  He went on to share that the "full experience of life happens in community."  But in order to experience that life, there has to be a commitment toward one another, that is motivated by love, to teach, serve, rejoice, weep, pray, and share in the heavy lifting and burden bearing.  We must consider one another.  And to say that it will take work, well let's be honest, that is probably an understatement because it essentially means being intentional and deliberate with all of your activity.  More so than just considering one another, we must also irritate one another.  Okay, well, it does says "spur" one another on, but did you know that they actually mean in and of the same thing?  Yep, uh huh.  I think for most of us, this happens without even trying. ;)  But really, it's the idea of being so transparent with one another that we have given each other permission to call each other out, to receive their truthful correction.  This is attributed to the fact that "the sin and weaknesses that will likely destroy us, are the very ones we (ourselves), do not even see."  With the irritating, we are also granted the privilege of encouraging one another.  Carrying the baggage together.  Walking, or maybe even carrying one another through the dark, scorpion infested roads (I just learned what a scorpion was so I felt as though it's very appropriate in this context). 

All of these things, welp, they simply cannot happen at a distance.  We cannot be changed, nor can we grow without the necessity of community.  It's not about jumping ship or abandoning or neglecting, but always about ramping it up and being more radical in the ways which we love, consider, irritate, and encourage one another.  And for those of you that read a previous blog post of mine, know that anything more radical and more crazy is definitely on my radar right now. :)

As my Pastor reminded us this weekend, we need to be the one's who don't allow one another to forget the "God did's" and the "God will's." 

When marbles are crushed, they are a bunch of broken pieces of glass.  When grapes are crushed, oh boy, don't they have the capacity to make some liquid goodness?  Just another reason for us to be grapes over marbles. :)

So as some of us move and some of us travel, some of us take new jobs or get married, struggle with finances and fight against deep insecurities and generational bondage, or wrestle through the pain of lost and past relationships and unmet expectations, celebrate new beating hearts into the world or small, medium, and large victories, I hope that as John Wesley said, "the Bible knows nothing of solitary religion," that similarly, our lives no nothing of solitary relationship. 

As I come to the end of yet another lengthy blog post (oops), I hope that the thankfulness in my heart for my family and friends that are traversing this life (even if it's happening states away) with me, is more than evident.  The emails, the calls, the long walks and all nighters, it's just plain obvious that I am surrounded by an extraordinary community of people that I will forever wonder how God ever deemed me worthy of such a gift and responsibility.  My hope is that I can honor Him by building, fostering, and replicating community that exists solely for His glory, wherever it is that He leads me, and even (secretly and hopefully) in the context of a marriage and family one day.  (Okay, that's not really a secret to anyone who has chit chatted with me for more than five minutes). ;)

 

Because hearts love better broken.

I don't think I can even understand all the implications of what that means.  "Because hearts love better broken." 

But everything in my being believes that it is true.  It's evident just by the very nature of what our Father in Heaven gave us.

And if I am being completely vulnerable, the more my heart has broken or been broken or experienced brokenness or seen broken things, this propensity of passion to give more, do more, be more, serve more, and yes, L O V E more,  practically envelopes me.

But all envelopes, even if they are stuffed full of the best of treasures and goodies, haven't served their full purpose until sent, and received by the intended recipient.

(Artwork by the creative gifting of Ms. Alex Tosti).